I've learned a lot today. And I'm starting to understand the immensity of the foundation of this camp and all the cultures and groups who are here. I'm still so freezing, so I cant tell if I'm making any sense. That doesn't matter anyway. Who will read this but me? I walked all over the grounds, up and down every road, past every tent and camp compound... I'm supposed to be praying in solitude. Women on their period are though to be extremely powerful, and are not to come near the fires or food so as not to take the prayers away from others. I need to be stronger tomorrow to just sit, but I couldn't today. I wanted to get warm and so I walked, I walked and picked up trash.
I want to write about all I learned today and the the people I met, I want to remember how blessed I feel to be here, because I do, it's an incredible feeling. But, the sun has set and I'm haunted by how cold it was waking up this morning. Locked in my sleeping bag as the zipper was frozen over. The sounds of everyone coughing. The smells of that smell that's everywhere at night, that chemical smell. Maybe it's the oil or the fires, but it's everywhere, in everything. And, I remember the battle in the sleeping bag. I huddle to the bottom for warmth, but then the bag touches my face. Oh, the feeling of that ice cold nylon, and the dampness from my breath. And the chemical smell, again.
The sun has set and the cheering and hollering begins. Mini Wiconi! It feels wild at night, wild for others, but trapped for me, but only trapped by my mind, which will shift again when the sun comes out tomorrow afternoon.